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Aug. 16th, 2007 @ 03:24 am
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K. So I just watched the movie The Number 23 with Jim Carrey. Wicked awesome flick. Its been a while since I have seen a good myster/thriller. The weird part is how the movie ended at 3:20 for me. Backwards that is 23. Kinda freaky. Especially since the end of the movie was talking about numbers and whatnot and ah! It was just a little freaky. Thats all I have. Peace out! |
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Apr. 23rd, 2007 @ 08:16 am
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I was watching America's Funniest Videos and some 70 year old guy hid in a trash can and jumped out and scared the trash man when he came to collect it. Funniest thing ever when an old guy disses on a trash man. Word. |
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Apr. 22nd, 2007 @ 08:35 pm
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Saw another commercial where a dog claimed another territory...sad day. |
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Guy to dog: What? I can stop smoking pot whenever I want.
Dog: Ok. How about now?
Guy: ... Next week is better.
Dog: You disappoint me.
Then the dog goes off and raises a flag up a flagpole (the flag is a picture of the dog)
I guess the moral of the story is to not disappoint your pet or it will go off raising flags of itself and claim your territory. Be smart, stay drug free...and never watch a Hillary Swank movie...its part of a surgeons general warning on something. Maybe that was smoking. Better be safe, don't try either. |
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SmarterChild (11:11:16 PM): A Museum Visit
My little nephew Pete and I went screwing to the museum to see the dinosaurs. There was a huge room full of boobs and at the center was a reconstructed tyrannosaurus rex and a variety of gay prehistoric artifacts. I was gayly impressed by the cock and clit, which I'd only seen previously in photos on the Internet. Pete was very banged however, because he thought he'd be seeing a live dinosaur. I explained that dinosaurs had been extinct for millions of years. Pete was so upset to hear this that he pushed me hard, knocking me into the horny caveman. The caveman fell and hit the tyrannosaurus rex, which started to lick. Before I knew it there were balls everywhere! I grabbed Pete and we ran out before we got caught.
Now THAT'S comedy.
Type play again if you want to try another manicdote. |
| » America is retarded!!! |
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Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?
You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.
The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?
Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"
Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."
Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.
Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."
We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.
Apr. 17th, 2007 @ 07:44 pm
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Thanks to Stephen for letting me borrow his drawings...without his knowledge. And another thanks goes out to him and I for killing Tony the Tiger.
Apr. 16th, 2007 @ 06:14 am
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| » Fun Weekend |
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Awesome weekend happened. It started off with some bowling on Friday night with AJ and the Banta. You ever throw the ball really hard and it makes a pin fly out and it doesn't get swept up and stays out on the floor or in the gutter for the next person? Well that happened when AJ threw his second ball. We were talking before I threw the ball next and this is what happened.
AJ: You totally have to throw the ball at the pin in the gutter.
Me: Duh. I planned that already.
AJ: I got a spare doing that once.
Me: When I was younger I saw a guy throw a strike by bouncing it off the pin in the gutter. It was awesome.
AJ: Sweet.
Me: I better use the Goofy Ball for this one. (Goofy Ball = 8 lb. purple Disney ball with Goofy on the side)
AJ: Good thinking.
What happened next was amazing. Because I hit the pin in the gutter perfectly and it made the ball fly out and back into the pins and knocked them all down for a strike!!! We laughed so hard at that. Saturday night involved going to the movies and watching Blades of Glory. Ridiculously hilarious btw. Now I just need to figure out what to do with the rest of my time. Seeing as how I don't have Tuesday or Thursday classes and there were no classes on last Friday for us or this coming Monday, I don't have to go back until Tuesday!!! I win!!! Amazing isn't it?
Apr. 8th, 2007 @ 02:30 am
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| » A walk down memory lane... |
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I just spent about an hour reading all of my old posts on here as well as most of the comments. Whatever happened to the good ol' days? I think college has changed me. It seems that I used to have so much more fun back then. But then again I was just in high school and nothing really mattered. I guess when you go to college the weight of reality is intensified immensely. Such is life. I would like to start posting on here again as long as I get some feedback from people. Peace
Apr. 4th, 2007 @ 06:00 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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Oh man! Ultra Road Trip! Not really but it was fun none the less. Drew, Derek, and I all took off from speedway and decided to turn here and there on some back roads until we finally reached Indy...Wait...Indy? Where did that come from? We had no idea. There are a lot of cool places that are not traveled to by a lot of people. And I believe I have witnessed why. From the 50 billion graveyards to the confederate flag displaying the word "Redneck" on it. Then the random bridges and shacks. It smelled like bad in most areas. We made it home though. I think we ended up in Greensburg and some other cool places. Oh yeah and we also stopped by the wally world in shelbyville. Who couldn't resist the urge to visit a wally world? Anyway I am really freaking tired and my back is sore from all of the driving that I did. So you all have a wonderful day...I will be at work 4-cl so of course I will have a great day!
Jul. 18th, 2005 @ 04:39 am
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